Not Gwyneth Paltrow

Sale Price: $25.00 Original Price: $29.00

Hello, I’m Not Gwyneth Paltrow

No jade eggs. No conscious uncoupling. Just cotton.
This tee is for those who believe in self-care — but draw the line at crystal-infused smoothies. With its chic “Hello, I’m…” name-tag design and perfectly passive-aggressive slogan, it’s ideal for wellness skeptics, GOOP survivors, and anyone who's ever rolled their eyes at $250 candles.

Soft cotton. Zero pseudoscience. Slightly smug.

🧘‍♀️ Features That Actually Make Sense:

  • Statement slogan: Not Gwyneth Paltrow

  • Classic “Hello, I’m…” name-tag print

  • Solid color tee, unisex fit

  • 100% ring-spun cotton — soft without the moon rituals

  • Lightweight (4.5 oz/yd²) — breathable, clean, no detox required

  • Double-stitched neckline & sleeves

  • Quarter-turned to avoid creasing and bad energy

  • Printed on demand — because we believe in real sustainability

⚠️ White tee may look slightly off-white. Don’t worry — still toxic-free (emotionally speaking).
Age restrictions: For adults

Certifications: Meets all flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates, and formaldehyde safety requirements under EU General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR).
For product safety inquiries, contact: gpsr@sindenventures.com or write to us at Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.

Color:
Size:

Hello, I’m Not Gwyneth Paltrow

No jade eggs. No conscious uncoupling. Just cotton.
This tee is for those who believe in self-care — but draw the line at crystal-infused smoothies. With its chic “Hello, I’m…” name-tag design and perfectly passive-aggressive slogan, it’s ideal for wellness skeptics, GOOP survivors, and anyone who's ever rolled their eyes at $250 candles.

Soft cotton. Zero pseudoscience. Slightly smug.

🧘‍♀️ Features That Actually Make Sense:

  • Statement slogan: Not Gwyneth Paltrow

  • Classic “Hello, I’m…” name-tag print

  • Solid color tee, unisex fit

  • 100% ring-spun cotton — soft without the moon rituals

  • Lightweight (4.5 oz/yd²) — breathable, clean, no detox required

  • Double-stitched neckline & sleeves

  • Quarter-turned to avoid creasing and bad energy

  • Printed on demand — because we believe in real sustainability

⚠️ White tee may look slightly off-white. Don’t worry — still toxic-free (emotionally speaking).
Age restrictions: For adults

Certifications: Meets all flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates, and formaldehyde safety requirements under EU General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR).
For product safety inquiries, contact: gpsr@sindenventures.com or write to us at Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.